Don't Close Your Eyes

R2D2

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I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so disappointed in myself.

rgs C got eliminated in first round of team.
and it's ALL my fault.
sighhhh.
I shall just list my mistakes as an anchor of the team.

1. we were leading by about seven points but I totally forgot that we DIDNT need to finish up to 45 points to win. so in my head I kept saying
"must reach 45, Must reach 45"

2. because of that, I became way too goal-oriented that I forgot everything about fencing, I just focused on the score board.

3. I failed to analyse the opponent's habits and find out her weaknesses (esther and amanda fenced her like she was real easy to get points off while I, lost 9 points to her)

4. therefore, I used the same attack over and over again though it was so obvious and clear and I knew it totally doesn't work.

5. I WAS SO FREAKING STRESSED AND PANICKY, I wouldn't focus at all. My point was everywhere, I had zero point control.

this, is a lesson worth $104.30 [shan't elaborate, I feel guilty enough]
but it's lesson I'll never forget.
you know that overwhelming sense of helplessness, panic and disappointment all together?
yeah, but when I lost, I was so damn relieved, I couldn't cry.
maybe a worth it lesson in the future, however.

anyway, while fencers were having lunch together and being in super high spirits and all, this was one of the trillion funny/wrong convos that took place:

"Alisa: I desperately miss OBS.
Elaine: Yeah, I miss it too.
-two second pause-
Elaine: Who did you sleep with?"

in case you haven't realised, I meant as "who were your tent mates?"
which then sounded as wrong when I said now i'm making you sound like an animal a second later.

anyway, now shall blog a little about OBS(:
so extremely surprisingly, I LOVED IT/MISS IT NOW.
it was so awesome I tell you, especially the last two days.
I<3marcopolo+nadia!
I guess it all really made us all understand to appreciate what we have and take it for granted.
you see, OBS is "back to basics":
you sleep in tents, shit and trenches you dig yourself and travel with a 98438756kg-heavy backpack, trek for hours and cook with solid fuel etc.
but I'll say this would have made us all more independent.
my favourite activity though, is the WILD WOOZIE, guess balancing on a thin wire so high up there is my forte.
it's a high element thingy by the way.
I wasn't kidding when I told you I liked being high up there, free, serene, way up high.

I never expected that I would miss you that much;